This has been an incredibly difficult year. For Israelis and Palestinians. For Jews across the political spectrum. For Arabs. For politically-active Americans. For college students, professors and staff. As we approach the first anniversary of October 7, 2023, we might be feeling a huge range of emotions: grief, anger, anxiety, despair, frustration. Some of us are likely feeling more isolated from the Jewish community than ever, while others might feel more attached to the Jewish community but unwelcome in certain social justice organizations. Many of us have found ourselves fighting, or in a cold war, with family and friends who feel differently than we do. This year has been exhausting, even for those of us fortunate enough to be far from the physical violence. And, sadly, there remains no end in sight for the war.
So how do we approach this first anniversary? What can we do to mark the terrible losses, hold space for whatever we’re feeling and perhaps help ourselves find some meaning? Below are a few ideas, in no particular order. Take or adapt what serves you.
1. Mourn the dead. Since October 7, an unthinkable number of innocent people have lost their lives. Children playing at school. Elders at home. Entire families slaughtered by terror or ripped apart by bombs. While it’s traditional not to recite the Mourner’s Kaddish alone, there are at home practices that you might access in order to think of those who have died.
One is to learn more about some of the dead. You can read names and brief biographies of Israeli and foreign citizens killed on October 7 and since here. You can read names of Palestinians killed here (unfortunately this list does not distinguish between combatants and non-combatants). By naming the dead, we keep their memories alive.
You might also consider lighting a yahrzeit candle (if they don’t sell yahrzeit candles where you live, a regular pillar candle will also work). It’s a Jewish practice to light a candle on the anniversary of someone’s passing. Usually we light at night, since Jewish “days” start at sundown, but one way to mark October 7 in particular would be to light a candle when you wake up that morning since morning is when the attacks began.
2. Connect (or re-connect) with prayer. If you already have a prayer practice, take the days leading up to October 7 to think about how you want to approach your tefilah on that day, perhaps naming particular people in your healing petitions or adding prayers for Israel, Gaza and peace.
If you’re someone without a prayer practice, I’m definitely not suggesting that you open up your nearest siddur (prayer book) and try to sound out Hebrew for the first time since your b-mitzvah (if you had one!). But you might engage the moment through contemporary prayer. Since October 7, so many people have created new liturgy. Ritualwell is a great place to get started, with poetry and prayer reflecting a variety of perspectives.
Whatever your connection to prayer as an individual, consider being a part of collective prayer. This year, October 7 falls between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Being in community with other Jews, and particularly engaging in the deep reflective prayers of the High Holy Days, could be a powerful way of marking this time.
If you don’t have a synagogue, here are two resources: The first is this list of communities that stream High Holy Day services. While it’s wonderful to attend services in person, if you’re geographically removed from Jewish community, have health concerns or are unable to purchase tickets (yep, tickets are a real bummer), this is a great option. The second resource, from Rabbis4Ceasefire, is a list of communities across North America that welcome those who are part of ceasefire movements. For Jews feeling unwelcome in communities that express staunch support for Israel without much room to consider Palestinian losses, these services could provide more comfortable, nuanced worship spaces.
3. Spend time with people you love. Too many families and friends are mourning beloveds whose lives were cut short by this conflict. If you are lucky enough to have your family — however you define it — intact, spend time with them on October 7. Arrange for a dinner or a movie night or a walk. Or, if your loved ones are geographically far flung, hop on the phone or FaceTime or Zoom. Or just text them. Whatever you can do, hold gratitude for your relationships.
4. Create art to explore the impact of the last year. After a year as challenging as this one, chances are that you have a lot of unprocessed thoughts and feelings. Art can be an incredible way of unlocking such things, and it’s something that can be shared with the world or can be just for you. Think you’re not creative? Try one of these ideas anyway.
Memory Journaling: Open a note, Google doc or an actual journal and think back over the last year. Write about how you felt when you learned about the events of October 7 and how you’ve journeyed through the year. You might revisit conversations with people you’ve felt comforted by and people you’ve fought with, think through the evolution of your own relationship with Israel and Palestine or just capture your feelings at various points over time. If you’d like to journal in community, Hey Alma’s deputy managing editor, Vanessa Friedman, is holding her second Jewish writing class on Oct. 9. You can find more info and sign up for the class here.
Play with art: Pick your tools. Maybe watercolors, crayons, a guitar or your own voice. Then, start creating. You’re not trying to paint a masterpiece or write a new hit. You’re just letting something other than your brain guide you for a few minutes. Let yourself strum, or draw, or sing. If you like what you create, share it. If not, it’s just for you.
5. Engage with organizations advocating for a future you hope for. Since October 7, a number of organizations have been working tirelessly for a better world. Perhaps you’re already connected with some. If not, use the days leading up to October 7 to explore what some of these organizations are doing and where you might plug in. Follow them on social or sign up for an email list. See where you can volunteer, and, if you have the means, make a donation in the memory of someone who has died.
Finally, I invite you to join the Hey Alma community on Zoom on October 7 at 2 p.m. ET / 11 a.m. PT / 9 p.m. IDT for “A Year of Mourning.” Together, we’ll ground through our experiences of the last year, name those we’ve lost and share our hopes and prayers for the time to come.
However you choose to mark this anniversary, know that you are not alone. May this year be better than the last, and may we find comfort in moving through it together.
