In some Jewish homes, parents give their children a special benediction the evening before Yom Kippur; the birkat habanim. It contains the parent’s hopes for the future, specifically that the child will grow up to raise “righteous sons and daughters who engage in the Torah and the commandments all their days.” But not all of us will.
Because people come to a core text with different experiences, the prayers in the traditional liturgy may not resonate with everyone. For some of us, partnership has come and gone or not come at all. Some yearn for a traditional family structure that has eluded them, while others have intentionally discarded it. We may have difficulty relating to the kind of relationship with God that this blessing hopes for. Or maybe, for us, the experience of being parented is a long-past memory, a source of grief, torment or is in other ways fraught. Or perhaps, the privilege of parenting may be a point of great pain for us, elusive, undesired or not possible biologically or logistically. This time of year can also highlight particular familial grief, both for children who have lost parents and for parents who have lost children.
But even those who are living outside of the societal norm of “partnered-and-parenting” or traditional family structures care about Jewish meaning, history and legacy. They care for the generation after theirs as aunts, uncles, teachers, colleagues and mentors; they make a personal impact on this world, independent of their partnership or procreation status, and have hopes for what the future will bring. And if their loved ones, the ones who would bless or be blessed, are gone, remembering them lengthens their legacy of impact.
In a copy of the prayer I saw online, I was struck by this line preceding the prayer itself: “It is preferable to say the following prayer in the language one understands.” Using the language you understand increases comprehension and intention, allowing a deeper focus on the words of the blessing. This is my imperfect attempt to use the language I understand, through my own experiences and those of friends in various life and family struggles, and to augment the original text with some more contemporary, more inclusive phrasings. I worked within the themes in the original blessing, but moved some of them around.
And if — for whatever reason — you don’t have anyone hovering their hands above your head, virtually or physically, consider this a communal blessing from me to you, or to anyone who needs it. May this year bring comfort, community, safety, health, love and peace.
A Blessing for the Future
Holiness and humanity
May it be the will of all who nurture us that you continue to wander through the world in a state of wonder, with a heart full of love, faith and respect, with awe of the unknown and the humility of being human. May you respect the inherent holiness of others, the sacredness of the physical and spiritual environments you inhabit. May you feel the presence of divinity in the world and take comfort in the ineffable and unknowable. May you remember and be reminded that we are all responsible for one another.
May you understand right from wrong and pursue only kindness, generosity and consideration, even when it is inconvenient or challenging. May your moments of craving and desire be for justice, compassion, community and love. May you find meaning in our tradition’s words, ideas and images, and grapple with them lovingly, with a community that values spirited debates and amicable resolutions.
Truth and justice
May you have the courage to witness and recognize truth, may your deeds and intentions be infused with illumination. May your mouth speak wisdom; may your heart meditate with awe; may the work of your hands, your words and gestures, and the thoughts you ponder shape a righteous and constructive future.
Occupation and livelihood
May you be blessed with stability and discernment, with the freedom to live with contentment and confidence in the unique impact that only you can make on the world. May you find appreciation for your talents and collaborators in your endeavors; may you be granted a livelihood that liberates you from worry, that anchors you in appreciation and generosity, that frees you to find meaning in action and service.
Partnership and legacy
May you be granted the company of those who seek to leave a just legacy, who search for meaning, joy and righteousness with every breath — may they be your partners in repairing what is warped, cracked or shattered. May you find support and connection with those who are worthy of your companionship and who amplify the best parts of who you are. May you and those who share your passions continue to be a source of strength to me and everyone who knows you, and may future generations anchor themselves in the experiences you have shared and the examples you have set.
May your link in the chain remain unbreakable: May you remember the teachings of your parents, grandparents and other loved ones, and share them with a new generation. May you always find meaning in our texts and traditions, and may modern interpretations only strengthen your connection and commitment. May your impact on the world be a legacy of blessing and love, and may this new year be one of sweetness, health and longevity. Amen.
