"High" Holidays

First I taught you how to incorporate weed into your Passover seder, and now I’m going to outline how to blaze on Rosh Hashanah — because it ain’t called the “High” Holidays for nothing! 

Before you skip this introduction to get to the good stuff, here’s a brief refresher on the Jewish New Year: This year, Rosh Hashanah falls on September 29 and lasts until October 1. The holiday literally translates to “head of the year,” but it’s also called The Day of Judgement because, as the story goes, God decides if we’re naughty or nice and writes our names down in either the Book of Life or the Book of Death. Us Book of Death-ers have 10 days to repent for our sins before Yom Kippur arrives, which is when God seals the deal and decides our fate. Fun stuff!

Alright, here we go! 

On the Day of Atonement (Yom Kippur) it’s forbidden to indulge in activities that bring you physical pleasure and joy. So the following suggestions are for Rosh Hashanah only — don’t get stoney baloney on Yom Kippur!!

1. Apple pipe

Smoking weed out of a homemade apple pipe is a right of passage for new stoners. And on Rosh Hashanah, we eat apples with honey to symbolize a sweet New Year. This symbolic contraption will bring back sweet memories of that first time you snuck out of the house to get high with your friends in the woods.

Been a while since you smoked out of an apple? Wikihow has an excellent how-to guide with photos. All you need is a pen and an apple! Here’s another article from Merry Jane that outlines the best apples to smoke out of. 

Once you’re good and high, I dare you to eat the apple pipe itself. It’s for Judaism! 

2. Pomegranate juice bong 

If the apple pipe isn’t doing it for you, try this pomegranate juice bong! Why pomegranate? It’s a Jewish symbol because the seeds in the fruit represent the 613 mitzvot from the Torah. Is smoking weed on the High Holidays a mitzvah? In my book it is! 

Here’s what you’ll need: a Lite Pom bottle, a knife, and a glass adapter. Cut a hole into the bottle, and voila! Stick your glass adapter in it, pack that bowl, and puff puff pass. The smoke will turn pink because of residual juice! Pretty!

3. Honey pipe 

Not into DIY bowls? That’s fine, neither am I. Snag this adorable honey bee bowl instead. On Rosh Hashanah, it’s customary to say “Have a happy and sweet New Year,” and nothing is sweeter than honey!

4. Weed infused challah 

Itching for an edible? I gotchu. On Rosh Hashanah we eat round challah to represent the cycle of the seasons, so you can make one big challah or cute mini personal ones (I suggest the latter so you’re in control of your high). 

Cannabis Now has a recipe for cannabis-infused challah, but you can also use our unemployment challah recipe (for the unemployed only!!) or this delicious vegan maple fig rosemary challah (my mouth is watering as I write this and I’m not even high) and supplement some of the oil with homemade cannabis oil. 

5. Pomegranate Kush 

Yes, such a thing exists! Pomegranate Kush is a strain of weed that’s a cross between Durban Poison and Dutch Passion. Honestly, those names mean nothing to me, but what’s important is that PK is a sativa-dominant hybrid strain. For noobs: Sativa is the “awake” or “daytime” weed, and indica is “sleepytime” or “nighttime” weed. The former gives you a head high, and the latter gives you more of a body high. 

7. Weed-infused honey 

Always coming in clutch, Vice made a handy dandy video on how to make weed-infused honey. If you still have that apple pipe on hand, slice it up and dip it into your delicious concoction for the sweetest New Year. 

8. Apples and honey bourbon crisp 

Now that you have weed-infused honey, you’re ready to turn our apples and honey bourbon crisp recipe into an edible! You’ll need ¼ of a cup of honey, but if you have a sweet tooth like me, why not make it half a cup? 

While you get wicked high, use this opportunity to reflect on your wrongdoings (and right-doings) and atone for your sins so you may be inscribed in the Book of Life. Go easy on the honey and challah, though, you don’t want to think too hard. 

9. Shofar bong 

I saved the best and most unattainable for last: the shofar bong! The elusive bong is spotted in an incredible scene of Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, where Jewish character Andy Rosenberg (played by Eddie Kaye Thomas) is seen ripping a fat one out of a ram’s horn. Alas, I’m not sure how to actually make this, but if you figure it out, my email is in my author page.

Shana tova u’metukah! Happy High Holidays!