Hello and welcome back to Hey Alma’s advice column on all things Jewish life. Read on for advice from our resident deputy editor/bossy Capricorn Jew, and submit your own dilemmas anonymously here.
Hey, Hey Alma,
I realize on the grand scale of human suffering this is the smallest of (ashkenazi) potatoes, but I keep seeing how cottage cheese is “trending” (which is funny because my Jewish grandma has been harping on its good qualities for literally ~ decades ~) and I desperately want to be one of the cool girlies eating cottage cheese but honestly it just grosses me out. Not to be a toddler about it but why does it have to be so chunky and weird. Can you help me overcome my fear of cottage cheese so I can eat my noodles with cottage cheese like the 70-year-old Jew I am destined to become?
— The Texture Is Upsetting
Dear Texture,
I’m cracking up. Thank you so much for this amazing question, and for drawing the parallel between TikTok protein influencers and Jewish grandmas. Really great stuff here, much to think about, etc. But as a cottage cheese lover and a person who has textural aversions to other foods (polenta, whyyyyy), I think I am uniquely suited to help you.
First of all, I want to validate your textural feelings. Many, many people have food aversions because of texture, for all different reasons. It’s OK to dislike a food, and even if you never decide to enjoy or even try cottage cheese, that’s alright. Your letter is coming from a place of wanting to give cottage cheese a try, so I’m going to give you some options that I think might help… but if at the end of the day, you simply can’t join the ranks of cool cottage cheese girlies and Jewish grandmas alike, so be it. But per your request, let’s give it a try!
1. Find the right cottage cheese texture for you
Cottage cheese is essentially cheese curds packages with additional cream or milk. For some people, the size of the curd is problematic texture-wise, while others don’t like how runny the liquid portion of the product can be. But not all cottage cheese is created equal, and if you’re open to doing some experimenting, I’d encourage you to try some different brands (try to rope a cottage-cheese-loving pal into this experiment, so if you hate one or all of the brands, you can pass the product onto someone who will love it and the food won’t go to waste). I have found Friendship brand cottage cheese to be the firmest, and closest to ricotta, which makes it a good gateway cottage cheese for folks who struggle with the large lumps combined with liquid textural vibes in looser cottage cheese.
2. Use it for baking before trying it straight up
One of the benefits of cottage cheese is how effortlessly it blends into recipes. And while I personally think the internet has lost its mind a little bit when it comes to the cottage cheese trend of adding it to everything for a protein boost (do not get me started on how the current fixation on protein is a repackaged version of toxic diet culture from my youth!!!), it’s undeniable that adding cottage cheese to pancakes, lasagna or any creamy sauce is delicious… and also a great way to disguise its texture.
This article about cottage cheese from the Kitchn (highly recommend this blog for all your food/cooking needs) points out that “cottage cheese has a high tolerance for heat and will remain creamy, where other cheeses — like ricotta, for example — can curdle and become grainy.” If you’re looking to slowly begin adding cottage cheese as an ingredient, rather than the whole shebang, allow me to recommend these recipes. Perhaps if you make them and enjoy, you’ll be able to wrap your head around trying cottage cheese on its own.
3. My personal favorite ways to indulge in cottage cheese
Once you’ve found a cottage cheese brand that you can tolerate and have experimented with using it as an ingredient, it’s time to try it as the star of the show. Here are some of the ways I personally most enjoy eating cottage cheese.
Scooped into a bowl of crispy crunchy greens: OK, here’s the deal. A lot of people struggle with the texture of cottage cheese because it’s too soupy, and then you have weird chunks in the soupiness, and it’s a whole thing. But if you add a very crunchy base to your cottage cheese, a lot of these issues sort of solve themselves. Put together a giant bowl of “salad” — whatever crunchy greens you have lying around will do. Romaine or iceberg lettuce, sure, but also raw or lightly steamed broccoli, snap peas, asparagus… truly whatever. Then, add a scoop of cottage cheese and toss it all together. The liquid part of the cottage cheese will lightly coat the greens, and the chunky part suddenly becomes sort of like a feta cheese moment in the salad, providing individual morsels of deliciousness. I like to add a bit of olive oil and lemon juice to the bowl, and maybe some nuts for extra crunch, but it’s highly customizable, and also is the least like “a bowl of cottage cheese” out of all three of these options.
Substituting for burrata in a Caprese salad: Caprese salad in the summer is objectively one of the reasons we are all alive. A medley of ripe tomatoes, paired with fresh basil, nestled around a lump of creamy burrata, drizzled with really good olive oil, a tiny bit of balsamic, and some flaky salt? Sorry, I know I keep saying everyone’s food preference is up to them, but this is objectively heaven. I will die on this hill. HOWEVER! Have you ever tried to buy burrata on a frequent basis at the store? Yeah, me neither, because I’m not a millionaire! The sad fact is the burrata is fancy and expensive, and eating it daily is not really an option for most of us. But you know what is an excellent substitute for burrata? Yeah, that’s right. Our friend cottage cheese. Put a small (or large) scoop of cottage cheese in the middle of a bowl. Toss some tomatoes around it, add some basil, dress it with some EVOO, add your flaky salt. Experience enlightenment. Rinse and repeat as many times as you want because you won’t break the bank buying a tub of cottage cheese. You’re welcome.
On toast with jam or fresh fruit: When you’re really comfy with cottage cheese you can skip the toast and just make a lil’ bowl of the good stuff with fresh fruit, but if you need another gateway into your new cottage cheese life, toast is an excellent way to get there. Make sure the toast has cooled down a bit before spreading your cottage cheese on, and if you’re going with jam instead of fresh fruit, add it first so as to avoid a mess. The crunch of the toast and the freshness of the fruit can really help balance the texture of the cottage cheese. Add a bit of pepper if you’re feeling wild to offset the sweet of the fruit. I’m really into figs and raspberries with this combo, but the sky’s the limit. You got this.
So those are my hot tips, my gentle advice, my personal ways I enjoy cottage cheese. Give these recipes a try! But remember, it’s OK if after all this, you’re still just not that into the chunks. Lean into other foods you prefer, and embrace your inner 70-year-old Jew in other ways. There are so many ways to be Jewish… learning to love cottage cheese is simply an option, not the only option. 😉
