TROYE SIVAN’S TSU LANGE YOR RELEASES NEW HOME OBJECT.
That was the subject line of the email I received from the Aussie Jewish pop star’s PR team on April 18, 2024 at 8:14pm EST. I know what I’m going to say next will likely sound disingenuous, but I’m one hundred percent sincere: I’m envious of the person I was before I opened that email. I mean that. I would give just about anything to relive the moment I discovered what they sent me. When I opened the email, what I found was a thing of pure, absurd beauty.
What I found was BOWL.
BOWL and its mini counterpart BOWL (SMALL) are gleaming rings with no bottom. So, in other words, they are not bowls. But the press release touts its innovation in the field of container technology: “The recycled brass alloy BOWL is without a base allowing the surface it is placed on to be highlighted as a focal point: creating a new format for bowls.” BOWL is “both sculptural and functional,” the release also says, which only makes sense if the aforementioned function is pretending to be a bowl.
Tsu Lange Yor, which is Yiddish for “To Long Years,” is no stranger to the slightly absurd. It even markets itself as “Unorthodox Elevation.” When the brand first launched last August, some of its first pieces included an oil burner that conjures the image of a giant tooth and an $1,800 dreidel. But BOWL is on an entirely different level.
BOWL contains multitudes, but also nothing at all. It’s Schrödinger’s bowl. It’s crotchless. It’s $610 and not dishwasher safe. Ceci n’est pas une pipe? Non. Ceci n’est pas un BOL. Or BOL (PETIT) if you get the $167 smaller model and you speak French.
I had to have one.
I replied immediately. “I’d love to request BOWL for editorial consideration,” I wrote, somehow without irony, to Tsu Lange Yor’s professional and accommodating PR team. They sent me BOWL (SMALL) without delay and I began to experiment with its capacity to contain things, as is my journalistic duty.
The tiny care and instructions pamphlet suggested I keep keys, rings or my favorite Tsu Lange Yor fragrance inside. Meanwhile, a photo on Troye Sivan’s Instagram grid displayed BOWL (SMALL) holding a necklace, a close feel condom and what appears to be Troye Sivan’s California fake ID. But I had other ideas.
Here are my findings.
A non-exhaustive list of things BOWL (SMALL) can hold
Air
Table top
My wrist when I wore it like a giant bangle
A fake mannequin wrist wearing it as a giant bangle
Tiny menorah covered in wax
82 Bananagram tiles
A bottle of Manischewitz
A cassette tape of Haim’s “Women in Music Part III” signed by Alana Haim
A family of golems when placed very close together
One tiny golem when it’s taking a nap
A non-exhaustive list of things BOWL (SMALL) cannot hold
Matzah ball soup
Any solid or liquid state of matter when held aloft
More than three clementines
A copy of Barbra Streisand’s 900-page memoir “My Name is Barbra.”
All the cans of seltzer I have lying around my apartment
My worries, grudges, complaints and existential dread (I’d need BOWL for that)
A round challah that is 131 millimeters wide
An actual bowl
A non-exhaustive list of things that can hold BOWL (SMALL)
My carabiner (Wow, portable and lesbian-friendly!)
Final thoughts
Here’s the part where I get a little earnest. As soon as I received BOWL (SMALL), I could tell that it is sincerely an aesthetically-pleasing, well-made piece of art. It evokes motion like molten gold slowly encircling whatever object it holds inside and dripping upward. (It also clearly evokes my Art History minor from college.) And for a small, sturdy and sculptural accent piece, $167 is a fairly reasonable price point. So regardless of whether or not Troye bowled too close to the sun, is it still worth owning? Absolutely.
