From the beautiful geniuses who brought you “Fancy Feast Tells Bowen Yang How to Safely Expel Bodily Fluids” and “‘Are You Gay?’: John Early, in Conversation With Sky Ferreira,” I am pleased to present you with the most amazing celebrity feature I have ever read. Translation: Interview Magazine took national treasure and lactose intolerant man Richard Kind to taste test cheese at Zabar’s and the result is the most old Jewish man an old Jewish man has ever old Jewish man-ed.
Let’s discuss.
(Author’s note: I will be using Richard Kind’s full name throughout this entire article as opposed to “Kind” or “Richard” because he’s just simply Richard Kind.)
On July 9, 2024 Richard Kind and Interview Magazine social editor Julian Ribeiro descended on the Zabar’s cheese counter to try lots and lots of cheese. “I’m lactose intolerant and Interview said, ‘Hey, let’s go to Zabar’s and try cheese,’ and I said, ‘Yes.’ That’s just the kind of guy I am. Anything for my art,” Richard Kind explained to camera. Immediately prior, Richard Kind also said, “I’m gonna eat so much cheese.”
An Ashkenazi Jewish king who can’t handle dairy eating dairy anyway? Beautiful.
The interview itself is at times (intentionally) hard to parse, eschewing specifics on the types of cheeses Richard Kind is eating while still including his nondescript descriptions of them and seemingly piecing the most interesting parts of the conversation together. Frankly, this decision is perfect, giving the reader permission not to get bogged down in the details and letting Richard Kind’s natural Jewish quirkiness and chaos speak for itself.
“Hold on, let me fix my back,” he announced at one point. “Oh god, now the cheese guy is taking pictures. What the hell!,” he exclaimed at another. Earlier, he seemingly off-the-cuff offered, “In the tablets that Moses dropped with the 15 Commandments, that was one of ’em: Never eat cheese on a plane.”
The interactions Richard Kind has with Julian Ribeiro are equally priceless.
Exhibit A:
RIBEIRO: Where would you bring that cheese?
KIND: To a Nazi get-together.
RIBEIRO: Fair enough.
KIND: It’s not good. It tastes like cardboard… Here, taste it.
Exhibit B:
RIBEIRO: What’s the meme, it’s like, “How do you do, fellow kids?”
KIND: What do you do?
RIBEIRO: How do you do, fellow kids?
KIND: What are you saying?
Exhibit C:
RIBEIRO: What’s in the Zabar’s mug?
KIND: Hot cocoa.
RIBEIRO: Naturally.
KIND: I really was trying to think of something as un-Jewish as I could, and I think Irish whiskey is better, or Irish coffee. You wanted me to be tasting smoked salmon and I said, “No there’s only two types of smoked salmon and it’s too chewy,” so they let me taste cheese.
The interview also gives Richard Kind the opportunity to share his Jewish food opinions. Can you put cheese on a bagel? Richard Kind says of course. What about his thoughts on Zabar’s Jewish offerings? In Richard Kind’s estimation, the latkes “are beyond” and “this is the best brisket but I usually make my own.” You heard it here first folks, Zabar’s is Richard Kind approved.
Everything about this interview is perfect, but the way it captures an old Jewish man (who happens to be a beloved character actor) just futzing around in an Upper West Side eatery is everything I’ve ever wanted. Thanks, Interview Magazine!
